Haven't been blogging for a while....

Life has chanced drastically for the past 1 year. A year ago I was in Kuching, vowing not to return HERE. But here i am, eating my own words. Anyways, can't complain. Life's good...stressful but good.

Watch this space...:)

5 Important Lessons In Life

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

*LESSON II - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING.*

LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you

....Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of kee'am I ?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

*LESSON III - NEVER INSULT ANYONE.*

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,

"SHIT!!!!!!!........."

*LESSON IV - THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.*

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.

Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.

Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief

Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly

Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable

Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred

Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body

Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE.*

Lesson of the Day

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman, without any say about it...

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, the n drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.


Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitche n floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.


At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.

Please, oh please, let us trade back.'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

EVER EVER AFTER

I when to watched Enchanted last night because it looked like one of those feel good movie with a sure happy ending. I love a happy ending cos you rarely get those in real life. Anyway, the movie did put a smile on my face. All Disney movies does that to you.

However being a believer that there is no such thing as a happily ever after, I must say I HAVE NOT CHANGE MY MIND. There is no happily ever after. So you finally meet that Prince Charming of yours & take that plunge of saying I DO. Do you think that Prince Charming of yours will be charming 3 years later??

It's great if you think he will but seriously, could life be that perfect? In the real world, couples have to work hard on making a relationship work. Some days it will be a happy one but most days it will just be an ok one. But to say Ever After is almost like saying you'll be in ecstasy for the rest of your life. They don't create pills for E if you can get that au naturel.

Bottom line is, it's great to want to believed in a fairy tale ending. Just don't expect McDreamy to come knocking on your door anytime soon ( but a McReality probably would).

How to Decide who to Marry?

There was a man who had 3 very loving girlfriends. They are all pretty and nice. And he's having great trouble trying to decide who to marry. So, he gave each one of them $5,000 and see what they do with the money.

The first one, went out shopping. Bought nice clothes & do up her hair and everything. She said to him: "I love you so much that I spent all the money to make myself look pretty and nice because I know you like it. Just for you." He's touched. This girl did everything so that he will love her.

The second girlfriend took the money and bought all kinds of nice clothes and latest gadgets for him. She said to him: "I love you so much that I spent all the money to buy you gifts and things that you like. I love you so much that I left nothing for myself." He's very touched. She gave everything to him.

The third girlfriend took the money and invested them into the stock market.
Within 5 days, the money doubled. She took out the $5000, gave it back to him and the balance she opened another investment account. She said to him: "I love you so much that I'll help you grow your money so you won't have to worry about living. I'll take care of everything for you.". Naturally, he's touched too. This girl is so intelligent and so loving.

Then he had to make a decision on who to marry; and he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

Morale of the story: Men will always be men...

Distraught!!!!

Bloggers block….what to write about???

Actually, I have tons & tons of stuff to write about but due to time constraint & being a bit of a lazy ass, I’ll always tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow turns out to be months….

Anyways, I’ve noticed that I only blog when I’m upset & I’m pretty upset today.

Tell me if I’m over reacting by this….

Don’t you get upset if your friend knows something about you that no one else was supposed to know yet & instead of warning/telling you about it, she ask someone else to tell you instead for reasons nobody knows why? (my guess is she doesn’t have the balls to tell me personally). Point being, instead of you knowing that particular information first hand from the person who found out about the news, you get to know it from a 3^rd party. Now, isn’t the information supposed to be sensitive at the first place?

I don’t know why it bothers me so much but I do feel that if she thinks that particular information is important for me to know, why can’t she tell me personally? It's not like I live deep in the jungle that she can't reach me. I mean she called the other person didn't she?

It makes me feel like she pity me & she’s afraid that I might breakdown & so she needs another person to break the news to me (& that is suppose to make me feel much better about the whole thing).

Maybe I am over reacting, maybe not..

Have you ever been in love?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.......
You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love". Neil Gaiman